VODKA O’CLOCK 1604
AMANDA CHATEL – RELATIONSHIP COLUMNIST
AMBER LOVE 25-JAN-2015 You can sponsor the show and the site through Patreon.com/AmberUnmasked where you can sponsor for at little as $1/month but more is truly appreciated. And don’t forget my first novel, CARDIAC ARREST, is out!
Download on iTunes, Stitcher, or listen here.
AMANDA CHATEL joined Vodka O’Clock on St. Dwynwyn Day – the celebration of the Welsh patron saint of lovers and also friendship. She’s a relationship columnist for top sites like Bustle, YourTango, Glamour, and Mic.com.
VALENTINE’S DAY – LOVE IT OR HATE IT?
I wanted to post a Valentine’s Day theme show well before the actual day so that people have time to think about their traditions. Amanda describes herself as completely unromantic. She hates roses and is opposed to gift-giving for Valentine’s Day.
Try to avoid cliche gifts unless it’s your first big romance. Be more creative. Restaurants will be crowded and reservations hard to get. Cook at home instead. Instead of terrible quality chocolates, go for two pieces of high quality chocolates from a local chocolatier. What’s a grown woman going to do with another teddy bear? It’s really unnecessary. And unless you’re completely strapped because of a busy schedule where you have no other weekend together, don’t propose on Valentine’s Day.
As far as giving sex toys as gifts, Amanda has advice there too: you need to know the person well enough to know their comfort zones.
In the past, Amanda has celebrated Galentine’s instead of Valentine’s to take the opportunity to spend time with friends. This year, she has plans to hang with her dog and watch Netflix and horror movies.
A trend seems to be rejecting the labels “boyfriend/girlfriend.” I’m all for getting rid of that and coming up with something new, but “partner” could have implications like legal status; plus, it’s rare for hetero couples to call each other partner instead of significant other (SO) or bf/gf. Both of us agree, “lover” is outdated, old world European, and sounds awkward.
We have a whole “taking the man’s name” conversation… look out.
Is it ever safe and sane to hook up with an ex?
“I think the only time you can actually do that is if your feelings for that person are gone.” ~AC
SOCIAL MEDIA & RELATIONSHIPS
Amanda has firm rule: She immediately blocks anyone who sends an unsolicited dick pic. We talk about the different social platforms and how Facebook says dick pics are not a violation of TOS. Facebook is also restrictive in sharing articles about sex from a Page which makes being a sex blogger who needs to promote their work challenging.
There are a ton of dating apps to chose from these days, but there are also apps that try to bring people closer in more creative ways. There’s one called Avocado. Another one is called Couple, it’s to do tasks like find restaurants, share To Do lists and calendars and… Location features (or stalking features?)! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkveWyiU4Go
There’s also matchmaking apps like Quiver where friends pick matches for them. Good idea? Bad idea?
On a post on timesofindia.com – there’s a NY based therapist Ian Kerner feels that if you want a healthy relationship, you should unfriend your spouse on Facebook.
“I post my articles. I post TLC lyrics to Scrubs like a normal person does. It wasn’t a problem for us [being Facebook friends].” ~AC
Speaking of Facebook, they are working on or perhaps have launched to a limited base, a new feature about breaking up – but it’s only useful if you ever set your relationship status in your profile. The goal is that when you break up, you have options presented to you to remove that person’s visibility and untag them in photos in one shot.
Age differences is another big part of our conversation. What does someone in their 50s have to say to someone in their 20s? Great sex? Sure, maybe. But quality of conversations and non-sexy time is probably going to be pathetic.
When it comes to exes, how cool are you with your intimate partner/SO being friends with an ex? Amanda suggests blocking an ex immediately and move on. Recently, on the PolyWeekly Facebook page, there was a question posed about whether it’s ever fine to request that your partner cut ties with their exes. Now the way it was phrased there was harsh – they asked would you ever “forbid” contact with an ex and that makes me cringe too. But as far as asking someone to cut ties with their ex, I was the only person who said it was okay to ask that. Other people had stipulations with examples like the ex is an addict or abusive.
“I think it would depend on how the relationship ended. I think if I was with somebody and they did the breaking up and the person that they dumped still has feelings for them, like you said, I wouldn’t want them to be friends while I’m trying to solidify this relationship.” ~AC