featurebanner_amber_smilingAMBER LOVE 16-JUNE-2014 Last Friday was indeed the only Friday the 13th with a Full Moon of 2014. I know this is absurdly crazy but I entered my name and a few photos for the Ms. Exxxotica NJ contest. I know…Trust me, I know. It’s ridiculous to think I could do this and come out unscathed. I heard back that they accepted my submission and I’m not sure why unless they accept all submissions and see who gets the popular vote. For all I know, there will be a real bucket of blood waiting for me to walk under.

From a professional porn standpoint, I don’t have a body of work (no pun intended). I’ve done my cheesecake photosets (usually costumed or themed in some way) and done a couple of newer X-rated sets all on my own without the benefit of a professional photographer. I wanted to continue doing the topless comic reviews but I moved and no longer live alone. I barely lasted on MyFreeCams because it’s a terribly confusing process with trying to be online as the person on camera and still actively respond to all the chats, all while trying to see if anyone watching actually has any tokens because otherwise you’re wasting your time. I also have no privacy whatsoever and my laptop couldn’t handle the system requirements. So my cam days were pretty much a bust. I make vids and photos on occasion for a few – a very select few – that aren’t for monetary gain; it’s because that’s where our relationships are and long distance blows. I’m strongly considering working on cam with one of my guys but circumstances are never going to make that easy so it may never happen.

nudes, xxx, porn, amberunmasked, amber love, naked

Then there’s the age thing. I’m so old, I feel comfortable calling these other contestants girls instead of women because they’re still girls to me. They are maybe… 20-something, but whatever, I could be their mother. They’re perky and eager and not bitter from a lifetime of sexist bullshit or life bullshit for that matter. They just want to have fun. I like fun. My idea of fun is sitting on my porch with a drink and a good book. I’m not swinging on poles with 5” stilettos. I’d break my fucking neck, let’s be perfectly real about it. To date, I have taken a couple of chair dancing lessons merely to see if they would kill me since I’m insured and my parents would get a modest payout. I didn’t die in the dance classes but I certainly wasn’t good. I sucked. And it hurts – physically and emotionally. I do it anyway.

20140525_141726 amber topless reading pulp

And finally, as all pageant competitions do, it comes down to looks. I’m 40 pounds overweight. I have real boobs that don’t stand straight up like fake melons do. My nipples are in the right place so I have that going for me. I have stretch marks from the weight of puberty and growth that set in around 12-13 years old. Yes, I was covered in stretch marks by 13. My breasts started when I was 11 so every inch of me that developed grown woman fat, ended up with stretch marks. I would only ever have thigh gap with Photoshop and you can only see that I have a waist if my boobs are firmly secure and lifted in a good bra. I hate the rolls on my stomach and I will never ever tan.

I’m also not a pro star with a Polish waxer at my disposal to cater to my “landscaping needs” which means I save up the Veet for special occasions and deal with a razor hoping I don’t miss too many spots.

This is reality. And all those points are my truths. I’m really ok if this is a matter of making fun of myself. What I know will happen is that the trolls will come out. I idolize the great women of sizes other than “0” who blog and model like Jes Baker. She’s smokin’ hot, witty, and funny as hell. She’s always managed to stay positive even when faced with so much negative body-shaming backlash. I want to be like Jes Baker and Meghan Tonjes.

jaynoir0143-monoThis is the picture I sent in when they requested a non-nude for the website.


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7 Comments on Ms. Exxxotica because I’m that nuts when there’s a full moon (nsfw)

  1. “I make vids and photos on occasion for a few – a very select few…”

    …lucky bastards…;o)

  2. I have been visiting your site for a few years, enjoying the content (reviews, pictures, etc.) and I think your beautiful natural woman.

  3. I know this is an old article, but I just discovered it and felt compelled to comment. I stumbled across your site while Googling for LARP-related material and yeah, I’ll admit it: your NSFW stuff definitely caught my eye. (I’m a male, I like boobies, so shoot me.) But I equally appreciate your SFW articles. And as far as this article goes, more power to you! I haven’t yet read ahead to see how this venture turned out for you, but I think that you putting yourself out there is just awesome. For my money, a confident, daring, and intelligent woman with all the physical flaws that most normal humans must endure will always be way sexier than someone who’s been blessed by good genetics to be that so-called “10.” Kudos to you for being a real woman and not being afraid to put yourself out there, especially in a culture that likes to treat real women like dirt. As far as I’m concerned, you won this contest just by having the guts to enter it.

    Oh, and thanks for all the candid geek culture content – keep up the great work!

    Chris B

    • I got backstage and waited in a line a long time but eventually backed out. I was one of only 2 or 3 women that wasn’t already an experienced pole dancer. There were about 20 who got on stage and actually climbed the pole. I didn’t bother and kind of felt set up. They made it sound like it was for “regular” people.

      • That’s too bad 🙁 Don’t feel too badly – many of us out here in Readerland probably couldn’t climb a pole either. LOL And regardless of the outcome, more power to you for taking part!

        Chris B

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