Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency Year Four:

Case File No. 04-160

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AMBER LOVE 08-JUNE-2020 Find out how all this began. Catch up on Year One, Year Two, and Year Three cases at the Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency. Thank you for all your financial and social support! Oliver and Gus are looking forward to bringing you more fascinating discoveries and investigations into the chipmunk mafia, the blue jay gang, the neighborhood critters, and cryptid sightings.

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Where We Left Off:

Gus had a couple of conversations with a local Gorgon baby.

Charlie’s Angels:

Something about 2020 has spiked Gus’ killer instinct. That’s not totally fair. He doesn’t try to kill. He loves to chase, capture, and play with his suspects. And for whatever reason, Gus has it in for the Chipmunk Mafia this year. In the past three years, he’s tangled a few: Tamas Marmotini was his first nemesis; then Joey Bag O’Peanuts. But this year — Gus wants to take all of them down and I don’t know why. I can’t get any information out of Oliver either. Do these detectives have a plan that’s so classified I can’t know about? How would that be possible? I’m the one who primarily accompanies their patrols and I’m the biographer!

Munka Kelly had always been out of the action. She and Chipcent Donofrio live by the big rocks not far from the bird feeding tree. They’re on the border of Bunny Hollow. Mostly I’ve seen them come through the tangle of overgrown bushes I worked so hard to thin out so they can enjoy the big rocks like everyone else. There was Munka minding her own business and trying to forage for any peanuts the blue jays hadn’t taken when Gus spotted her.

Kristen Stewart gif

Gus and Munka tussled for a long time. She used her speed as an advantage, but that’s not all. I think Munka Kelly learned some badass Charlie’s Angels moves. She dodged Gus and made for cover in the fleet of partially working lawn tractors. Gus moved around looking for her, but she cleverly hid in a wheel until she could run. Unfortunately, Gus nabbed her coming out the other side.

I was still on the back side of the tractor so I missed what happened exactly. All I know is that when Munka scurried under the pallet of cinder blocks and Gus jumped on top of it, he had one winking watery eye. I wiped his eye. He would open it fully when he wanted to specifically peer using his sniper-style alertness; but when he would relax, it would close again. He even decided to rest both eyes and flatten himself out on the refreshing chill of the cinder blocks.

I had questions. Was Munka Kelly always capable of this? What made Gus zone in on the Bunny Hollow chipmunks anyway?

As previously stated, Gus seems to be out for all the chipmunks. On another day, he caught one in the rhododendron bushes. During other patrols, he’s chased Pipi the Chippy Lansbury, a newcomer to the front border neighborhood; I believe she’s a daughter of Joey Bag O’Peanuts and Tami Sneakers. There’s also a youngling in the ivy and bushes around Cheeks Moretti’s fortress. We don’t know who that is or if they are a proper guest of the fortress. The woods have an abundance of chipmunks this year too. That may be due to increased housing options since the utility works cut down a bunch of large trees.

Speaking of Cheeks (gallery above), Gus has poked around the fortress, but he hasn’t assaulted Cheeks Moretti. Sgt. Burrows has been making frequent check-ins with his boss so he’s been running back and forth from the fortress to the property and debris next door.

It was time to call a staff meeting. I had to know what was going on. Oliver delayed by going to the litterbox and dumping a nuclear grade toxic poo. He thought the sulphuric odor would make me cancel the meeting. I hate meetings, but dammit, these two owed me an explanation.

The chipmunks from all the other neighborhoods outside Moretti’s reach are showing their muscle. They feel there’s a war of the woods. The blue jay gang has increased their numbers which means there’s more fighting over peanuts. Two free-roaming cats have been making themselves at home here. There’s a new volkolak, Arkadi, scaring the shit out of everyone. And the demolition of the house next door was just one more thing to set all the critters off.

“So, it isn’t just one turf war?” I asked Oliver.

“No. It’s complicated. The whole ecosystem is confused and out of patience right now. The ones who haven’t been aggressive before, like the Woodland Chipmunks, are seizing their opportunity to take over more space and fight for resources.”

“But there’s been a lot less human activity, hasn’t there? Wouldn’t that make all the critters happier?”

“They are, but the more of them that come here and reproduce, the more burden there is on the food supply and housing turf.”

“Oliver! You sound like the Grumpy Old Man now. The animals will adjust. They’ll know how. There’s no need for Gus to try to cull the herds.”

“Human, Gus can speak for himself. But basically, the more critters there are, the more he’s going to track, capture, and interrogate. That’s the way things are this spring.”

I guess I couldn’t argue with either of them. The critters are following their instincts and Gus is following his.

“What about Munka Kelly? What’s her deal specifically?” I had to know why she suddenly turned so violent.

Oliver tried ignoring my question and hiding in his fort, but Gus went over and shoved his nose in Oliver’s butt to make him come back out and face me.

“Munka Kelly is a former operative. She’s trained in many fighting styles and knows how to survive while keeping herself out of the spotlight. That’s all I know. I swear.”

(shaky footage of Cheeks Moretti)

Case Findings:

Munka Kelly was some kind of former super spy or mercenary. She was not going to take any shit from Gus or anyone else. We would have to continue documenting the wildlife tracks and critter housing situation to avoid a full scale wildlife war. But as far as Gus vs. Munka, that case is solved.

Case Status: Closed

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