Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency Year Three: Case File No. 19-123
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Where We Left Off:
We’ve been perplexed by the damage to one of the bird feeders and have some far out theories about what could have happened.
The Creeping Terror:
By now, all you dear readers know that I am a huge scaredy cat. Some of this is normal levels of being afraid of something; but then there are instances of things — like spiders — that can sometimes rip a phobic response out of me. For a perfect unfortunate example, while researching for this case file, I had to browse the internet for species that might lead me to the identification of the beast we encountered. My heart raced; I wanted to vomit; and my skin immediately felt things on it. It doesn’t always happen which is why it’s annoying. Predictable reflexes would make a lot more sense. I don’t get the fear response from things like stinkbugs. That’s more anger than fear UNLESS they divebomb and land in my hair or somewhere lost in the folds of my clothing and I can’t find it. Ticks, to me and not at all scientifically stated, are spiders with more determination to kill. More bloodlust.
/begin non-sequitor/: if you are interested in a character who has powers of drawing out bloodlust, read the comic miniseries The Forgotten Queen. /end nonsequitor/
Gus and I are used to seeing squiggling worms in the driveway after it rains. He only occasionally bothers them. He’s never tried to eat one or carry one in his mouth. All around the Grumpy Old Man’s hangar which consists of his auto mechanic space, workshop, and the storage loft, it’s an area perfect for creepy crawlies as well as the non-rent paying squatters of the rodentia and reptile populations. There have been some large and exceptionally creepy crawly things over there. It’s probably good that the interior is dimly lit so that I don’t actually see all the things living in there.
Today’s case, however, involves a sighting right outside the building. I know that crawlies in other parts of the world make ours look minuscule. That doesn’t mean I want ours to be any bigger. You can imagine our surprise when a massive bajillion-legged crawly thing crossed in front of us! Gus decided to greet this unexpected guest who dropped in. I stood back and tried to use the zoom function on the camera instead because, I’ll admit, this creature was fucking terrifying looking!
(IG: Video if you click through)
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Gus tried to shake hands with the creature. Considering how many hands it had, that did not go so well. It reared its head every time he tried. It had a head, by the way. This was not the sort of thing where you couldn’t tell the front from the back. Oh, it had a large white head all right.
I’ve seen Dune and Beetlejuice and a couple minutes of John Carter of Mars, but I was not prepared for this. In fact, the closest documentation to this appears to be the scientific journal called Planet Gigantic. This important documentation is usually misfiled in the comic book section, but I assure you, it’s all real. That means the creators of the report about that planetary discovery should be considered pioneering scientists: Eric Grissom, Phil Sloan, and David Halvorson. Their illustrated renderings are not exaggerated.
It seems that millipedes hadn’t been known to live up to their name. In Latin, it would suggest one thousand feet. According to the Huffington Post and Wikipedia (perhaps not the best sources), the record is 750 legs. My dudes, rounding up in this case is fine. Anyway, what if Gus discovered a new species? What if it’s not even from Earth? What if this monster landed from Planet Gigantic?
There were a lot of questions running through my mind once I could breathe and form thoughts other than, “this fucker is going to go all Men in Black, grow another 20 feet and eat me and Gus.”
There we were in the upper west parking lot and Gus is acting like this is no big deal. His attempts at a friendly greeting didn’t work, so he got bored and moved on.
(*me: internally screaming for help*)
“Dude? Don’t leave me. Get back here. Gus!” While making that particular frightened Shaggy sound I make, I backed away a few feet and made a wide berth around the monster to catch up to Gus. We had to get some fundamental questions answered:
- What was that?
- Why was it here?
- Where did it come from?
- Are we in danger?
I don’t know how to reach actual Men in Black, do you? Hook me up. Introduce us. I’ll make cosmos.
Until we get more data and identifying information, we’re going to call it Millie. Giving a thing a name removes some of the fear, right? Millie Footie Brown works just fine and has an air of “too cute to kill me” vibe.
I don’t think my fear is completely unwarranted. It seems that Texas has had what’s been called “a biblical number of millipedes” descend. Texas — of course.
What a second, is that guy’s name Odor? As in body odor… bad smell?
They don’t stick to their outdoors environment either. Oh no. They come in windows and doors which is pretty stupid because they don’t live as long indoors. As far as the ones that are from Earth, they feed on decaying plant life so new layers can grow. Though they are thought of as harmless, let’s examine it some more: Some millipedes can emit a horrifying poison as a defense mechanism. It can leave human skin red and covered in itchy blisters. No bueno!
We are not entirely certain what we encountered was Earthly in origin. However, Gus had no adverse reactions to his short tactile interaction with the monster. We havenâ€™t seen it since.