SOCIALLY AWKWARD OR CREEPY?
HOW YOU THINK YOU ARE BEHAVING MAY NOT MATCH OTHER PEOPLE’S PERCEPTION OF YOU
AMBER LOVE 11-AUG-2015 Yesterday I released the extensive notes and video recap about my experiences at the Deadly Ink crime academy last Friday. In the notes yesterday, I mentioned how I didnâ€™t have opportunity to really network at all with other writers; and the only instructors I met were the ones from those sessions. There was no reception/mingling during the day, only later at 8PM when I was long gone.
PREDATORS SEE OPPORTUNITY
The brief moments of time to talk to people at the conference were not that pleasant as a rather socially awkward man, around maybe early 30s, occupied my time. Four of us were talking because we arrived early (registration said 9AM, but class wasnâ€™t until 10AM and there was no refreshment table or anything). We were bored and sitting in the classroom. Every break he tried to engage me in conversation. I bolted when it time for lunch, hoping he wouldn’t follow me up the sidewalk. Even as I was validating my parking at the end of the day, he happened to be at the front desk and was trying to talk to me at the same time as the employee was giving me directions.
APPROPRIATE TIME AND PLACE FOR SUBJECTS IS LOST
I was there to talk about writing. I know conversations will carry a heavy amount of small talk when people are strangers, but I hate when my first exposures to people end up being about politics. I guess itâ€™s good in a way, because then I learn who to avoid the rest of the day, if thatâ€™s possible. But I want to get away when Iâ€™m at a convention. I try to avoid Twitterâ€™s breaking news about real life mass murders or rapes. I want to escape to the world of fiction for a day. Thatâ€™s all. And this Creepy guy wouldn’t stop talking about societal things. I guess he thought it would be a way to gauge whether we could bond. If I said I was against marriage equality, he would’ve shifted his stance towards that. Guns. Feminism. Just let me focus on writing, please! I will gladly talk about all that with acquaintances and friends.
Honestly, unless itâ€™s brought up organically in discussion, I donâ€™t want to hear about your politics. I donâ€™t want to know if youâ€™re bigoted against the LGBTQ community or against equal rights or who youâ€™re voting for. I do not want to know. Iâ€™m there to learn about plot structure. The same thing happened in gun training. I donâ€™t care about your votes; I just want practice in shooting things and to learn new guns. Capiche?
THEY FIND THE OPENING THEY NEED
The not creepy guy in the room, Iâ€™ll call him Luddite Guy because he was still embracing vinyl and had never heard of Audible, had brought up Amazon and CreateSpace. I mentioned that I just uploaded my non-fiction book there.
Naturally the next question from CreepyÂ Guy was, â€œWhatâ€™s your book about?â€
â€œEtiquette and how web cam girls are harassed.â€ I hoped that by saying the harassment of women is a strong subject for me that he’d get the hint that I didn’t want to talk to him, but no.
Both men then asked what cam girls are. Are they new to the internet? Not to sound like an asshole or elitist, but itâ€™s the internet which is 98% porn. I kept my tone calm and pleasant and explained the very basics about how itâ€™s like a personal strip club viewed online. Luddite Guy had some questions about how it technically works, likeÂ whetherÂ the girls see people or if itâ€™s only text. But then CreepyÂ Guy kept making it weirder. Luddite Guy showed slight body language of embarrassment, but at least he wasn’t getting personal.
â€œHow did you write this? Did you… like… talk to girls who do that?â€
â€œI dated one.â€ I was not going to admit that I tried it (it’s in the book) to this person who was being too clingy with my time. There was an older woman in the room too and I much rather would have been talking to her about writing. She looked serious about her craft and was also there to learn.
*wide eyes and blushing*
â€œHow do you… date someone who does that?â€
â€œItâ€™s about being secure and being honest. I helped her get the whole thing setup and encouraged her to do it in the first place.â€
â€œAre you still together?â€
*after a break*
â€œWhat do you mean about how girls areÂ treated?â€
â€œThereâ€™s a lot of harassment and general mean behavior. People can come into a room just to call a girl fat and they can do it in a mob with multiple people ganging up on her.â€
â€œHow do you tell her a compliment?â€
â€œDonâ€™t be a creep. Itâ€™s pretty simple.â€
THEY FIND A WAY TO SEEM LIKE THEY CAN RELATE TO YOU
Then I had to hear about how he once had a girlfriend who broke up with him because she was a lesbian and that he considered â€œforcing her to marry himâ€ because he loved her anyway, but he knew it wouldnâ€™t change her.
Good for you, pal. Good for you.
Basically, my advice is going to be self-serving: Buy my book and read it.Â Also, listen to my interview with communication expert and former FBI agent, Joe Navarro and read his books too.
3 Comments on Socially awkward or creepy?
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great read, sorry about the experience though!
It’s funny how some guys who’re a bit older get confused by the Internet no matter the situation it’s always the creepy guy that tries his damnedest to warm a woman’s heart but the whole “I don’t understand the net” thing seems played out really guys stop being creepy and explore the web hundreds of your brethren have been doing it for years (but there consequences)
Agreed. And when it’s in person and someone’s tone is there for you to see/hear in body language and voice, it makes it a different level of weird. I felt like asking, “Do you really know this little about the internet or… women?”