Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency Year Three: Case File No. 16-120

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AMBER LOVE 02-SEP-2019 Catch up on Year One and previous Year Two cases at the Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency. We are in YEAR THREE!

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Where We Left Off:

Through our observations, we’ve gleaned more information about the behavior of the greedy Blue Jay Gang and how they interact with the Chipmunk Mafia.


What’s in the Blocks?

All right, I’ll say this right off the bat, it’s a damn shame Kevin Spacey is a fucking pervert because he’s a masterful actor in some of the greatest films. I feel sorry for the young ones he took advantage of in order to feel powerful — that’s why they do it. Anyway, the one time I watched Se7en — because it only needs one viewing to make my skin crawl and feel nauseous — I didn’t even know it was Kevin Spacey in the movie and I’m not sure I knew his name. I knew who Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman were. Also, The Usual Suspects is fucking brilliant but I don’t credit the perv main character or the perv director. That was a brilliant script by Christopher McQuarrie. The whole cast was incredible for a sausage fest. But pervs are pervs and some are criminals. Just want that out there that I would never glorify Spacey’s off-camera behavior because I like a few of the movies he happens to be in. I couldn’t help myself use one of the most quoted lines in cinema as a reference when picking a code name for this particular case file. Gus and Oliver have never seen a Spacey or Singer movie anyway.

seven se7en brad pitt

July 4th was a notable day and it had nothing to do with the celebration of colonialism. On that day, we saw some spectacular wildlife while we were on patrol. Gus also found something else. Something that shook him up so intensely, he didn’t want to talk about it. And, folks, Gus is usually chatty.

Gus and I had made our made way over to the junkyard which features many stacks of cinder blocks on pallets. They were supposed to be used for an additional wall somewhere, but it never happened. The blocks have been used primarily by Gus as observation decks and by wildlife or magings as condos.

There was a tussle there quite a long time ago (by cat standards) when Gus discovered a groundhog behind the leaning old barn doors. That was a scary moment. Groundhogs aren’t social with us. They keep their distance and we’re fine with that. I find them adorable rodents, but I’m not about to try and pick one up.

This junkyard neighborhood is kind of like our shantytown. There are squatters who are not interested in being part of the gentrified neighborhoods like Gnome Grove or Cheeks Moretti’s domain of the rock fortress around the paved areas. Gus has managed to catch a few snakes and mice there. It’s where we found public enemy, Murray Apodemus. I haven’t explicitly sent Gus on a mission to clear out the squatters, but the Grumpy Old Man has. He particularly wants them out of the mobile command unit or any other vehicles. I see his point there. As for the ones who are smart enough to engineer shelters out of rocks, cinder blocks, or any of the other crap back there, I think it’s kind of ingenious. They’re working with what they find, like in The Secret of NIMH.

I’ve rarely seen Gus “Hulk out” in full blown Halloween-Cat mode with the arched back, hair on end, fangs showing. It happens once in a while most often because of something outside he can’t get to/chase away so he and Oliver end up stressed and attacking each other. Gus has reacted that way to a few other animals but historically, it’s not his style. He’d rather sniff butts or go right for the throat.

Needless to say, when Gus began sniffing around a particular stack of cinder blocks, I was also intrigued. Then when I saw his fierce reaction, I was worried. I had a lot of theories running through my head about what could be inside those cement condos:

  • a wolpertinger
  • an angry groundhog
  • chipmunks
  • raccoon
  • opossum
  • chupacabra

I can hear you from here. You’re saying, “dude, it was probably just a mouse.” But why would a mouse send Gus into such hysterics? It would not. He’s inspected those little condos plenty of times over the years. And you’re welcome to your theory. We welcome other theories. By all means, if you would like to study the footage and photos and see if you can figure out what’s there and prove that it’s not a chupacabra, then go ahead.

Gus in junkyard

Case Findings:

Oliver and I still aren’t sure what it was Gus encountered. All we know is that it was gone by the next day so we can’t continue the investigation.

Status: Closed/Unsolved

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